beautiful morntingK

Today is SUCH a beautiful day! It's days like these that seem almost like little bonus gifts from God after a really stressful week. And it wasn't all great to begin with. This morning i was planning on playing some MUCH NEEDED tennis with one of my only friends here that's a decent player. Well, she was really exhausted this morning and we had to take a rain check. So that was disappointing. BUT, i decided to make the most of this wonderfully beautiful day and make pancakes with my roommate, Alaina! They were very yummy and we opened the back door so that the nice cool breeze could flow throughout the house. We had some Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald on Pandora and just enjoyed this early part of the morning that we rarely get to experience. We usually sleep in because of having such a stressful week at school. So it's been quite the lovely day so far. I'm about to head to rehearsal. We open in less than a week! crazy. Then i return to work on the weekends. It will be nice to have an income once again. Really missing my family and my two best friends. CANNOT wait to go back home for the wedding---even if it's for only two days.

let go let God

Ok so i was talking to my wonderful friend Garrett Miles the other day. Really, this kid means a lot to me. We can be apart for nearly a year and then meet up again and it's like we had seen each other the day before. So awesome.

Anyways, i was telling him that i was just having so many questions about my life recently because of how much i missed everyone back home. I was telling him that i love my friends here, but i just miss the intense connection that i had with my friends back at home. I was telling him that i was so afraid that i was going to get out of school and then not want to do this with my life anymore. Garrett reminded me that i was in Philly for a reason and that everything happens for a reason. God's domain does not contain "chance". It's all by His hand. I believe that. I'm so for that fact. But of course the worry wart in me always has that second thought in the back of my brain that says that everything still might not work out. It's the devil trying to tell me that those people back at home wont accept me when i go back at times. I'm just afraid of not having access to the greatness that i once has in my life back home.

So i've come to the realization that my life is like many chapters. High school with my friends was a chapter. Southeastern was a chapter. And now UArts is a chapter. I need to allow certain chapters of my life to close while allowing the essense of all of those great things about my life back then to still permeate my life in the present. If my friends are/were truly my friends then they will accept me at ANY chapter of my life.

Friends are good for this kind of stuff! lol
Hope everyone is having a blessed start to their school year! HOLLA

supposed former Jesus junkie

Ok so i'm not sure how many people still actually read my blog on here. Nevertheless, i'm gonna give an update. a somewhat melancholy one.

I'm living in Philadelphia. I'm studying musical theatre. I'm working towards my career goals. I'm doing what I've wanted to do for so long.

But i miss home. I miss my senior year of high school when I was innocent. I mean, don't get me wrong, I haven't done anything bad or anything since, but I just feel TOO educated in the ways of the world right now. I miss being so close with my church back at home. I love my church here but i don't really have a family there. Zoar was my everything. My friends and family back home were so supportive of me. They still are, but now i never get to see them. I'm seriously going to go nuts if I don't see my mom and sister soon. I really miss my dad as well. I just didn't live with him most of my life so we're really good at keeping a close relationship long distance. I feel like i'm missing a limb not having my sister or mom near me. I just feel like i'm missing out on time with my mom. She and Summer are my everything and i feel like at the end of my life i'm going to look back and wish that i had spent more time with them rather than move away to pursue my career.

I love my Philly friends, don't get me wrong. I just feel like 33% of Dillon is Philadelphia and the other 67% is Louisiana.

And i know that she doesn't follow my blog anymore, but i'm hiding this in the middle of this posts so it's kinda camouflaged, but i miss Cassie. I might be in love with this woman. I think about her a LOT. She's an incredible child of God who only aims to please Him. I've just never felt THIS strongly about someone.

I just miss my old life. There are plenty of days when i don't miss it. But lately i've been missing it nonstop. I guess i'll just have to learn to close one chapter and let another chapter run its course. It just sucks in the meantime.

I love you guys. Whoever is out there reading this. Thanks for listening. I'm sorry i haven't posted in a million years. God Bless!

hello again!

Hi darlings. Man oh man has it been a while. I'm not really sure why i'm even writing this. Maybe it's because i'm home for a couple weeks and i automatically revert back to the life i had here. Maybe it's because a part of me wants that back. Maybe i still have that inside of me. Maybe i haven't changed after all. Maybe i have changed but can still manage to retain the Dillon that once was. i don't know honestly. So much has happened within the past year that my brain is just blah about some things. it's really confusing because you want something new but then you still crave what you once hd once you get the new stuff. aint that a sick joke. well nothing much has changed since i last wrote. that's a lie. but i just don't feel like listing all of them lol. woof. um, i've gone through a lot of spiritual overhaul this past school year. i mean obviously, moving across the country and away from the south. rough. but i love it there. it's incredible. everything i expected and more. it's just an intense transition. but ya know, i need this kind of testing. this kind of refinement. i was getting stagnant, i think. God knows what He's doin. So whatevs. Just trying to follow my dreams one day at a time. cheers to the freakin weekend.

UPDATEZZZ!

OK PEEPS, sooooo sorry about now posting anything for oodles of time! time for some REALLY quick updates:

1.) Landed the lead in Singin' in the Rain this summer! holla

2.) Got into my first choice school, University of the Arts, so i'll be moving to Philadelphia instead of NY in August. Praise God :)

3.) Summer got engaged!!!! yay big sister!!!

4.) Been strugglin majorly with some spiritual stuff. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks loverzzzz. Promise to post a little more frequently!

i want cooler people in my life

I would really like to have more interesting people in my life. I would also like more dude friends who are a lot like me.

So if you are either of those two, please contact me and we can hit it off! :)

thanks.

ramble some mo

I can feel good things coming this semester. I feel really comfortable with my schedule and with the activities im involved in. I'm so excited to spend time with all of the people i rarely saw last semester because of school. My first day of school has been pretty decent. I can't complain about either of the classes i had today :) I'm really looking forward to spending time with all of my fellow dancers (Sarah, Ashli, Kaileigh, and Nicole) and learn some really valuable technique.

Returning to school makes me miss my Brookie so much. So many things about this semester already feel weird because she's not at school with me anymore. Praying that God will give me comfort and opportunities to see her as often as possible.

been far too long

Hello my dears and dearies!

I haven't blogged ages. Mostly because i've been busy actually journaling and posting on tumblr. I just wanted to check in with all of you lovely people and update you on a few things in my life......cuz a LOT has happened!

1.) Goodbye Louisiana. This fall i will be moving to New York City to attend a Two-Year Musical Theatre Conservatory program at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. This is a huge step in my life. At on point i was pursuing this by my own will. However, i stayed praying and turning to God for wisdom and discernment. And ya know what? He has opened this door for me. God is now allowing me to pursue my dream so that i can give Him all of the glory :)

2.) Dad and i have grown a lot closer sense my decision to move. Now each time we hang out it feels so much more meaningful. We cherish every minute that we have to hang out now and it's FA REALS making me happy!

3.) Summer and her boyfriend, of whom i wholeheartedly approve, are going strong! I'm pretty sure that they will be engaged fairly soon because they keep hinting about it ;) Jeremiah is very close to my entire family and i KNOW that i can trust him to always remain faithful to her.

4.) I've been doing pretty well with my quite time every morning. However i still have a lot of work to do especially since now i have a LOT to pray for! fa sho.

5.) One thing that i've always been thankful for is my wonderful group of friends that God has blessed me with. Granted, friends have come and gone since i've started college. But God has never left me without at least a handful of close friends to keep me accountable and lift me up. This past semester he blessed me with someone who has stolen my heart and has become my best friend in the entire world. She has risen above all of my expectations as a friend. Before i met her i never embraced who i was. I always hid behind what i thought people would accept about me. This girl tore down every barrier that i had placed in front of my true personality. She accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly. We pray for eachother, build each other up, laugh together, encourage each other, and have weekly chicken nugget nights :) I don't think i've ever cared more about a friend than i do about this girl, Brooke Elizabeth Bortnick. You can follow her blogspot at http://brookesbrainsays.blogspot.com/ or you can follow her tumblr at http://brookebortnick.tumblr.com/

here's a photo of our trip to NOLA for my AMDA audition :)

HIYAH!

hey guys. Sorry i haven't posted much lately. I've somewhat relocated to something a little different. I've been spending a lot of time physically journaling. No offense to any of you fine people, it's just that life has been so refreshingly different lately that i feel as if i would be too censored if i were to blog publically :)

Oh and also, a recent addiction of mine is TUMBLR. I got a tumblr blog a long time ago. But i've recently been spending a lot of time on it, reposting people's quotes and pictures! :D chech me out! http://onthewater2.tumblr.com/

Love you guys! PEACE!

Eat Pray Love

I just had one of the best Sunday afternoons ever. I got to spend the whole day with my mom and sister. We went to go see Eat Pray Love. The movie was incredible. I love to travel and see the different cultures of the world. After the movie we went to World Market, my new obsession. This place is incredible. They have all of this amazing stuff from around the world that are imported in bulk so they aren't so expensive. I could go soooo bankrupt in that store! In fact, i almost did! Haha!

Everyday i find myself more and more eager to see the world and experience it's range of personalities. I want to speak another language. I want to marvel at the taste of foreign cuisine. I want to look into the eyes of desolation. I want to stand where those who truly marveled at the stars stood. I want to be influenced. I want to really feel the history of a foreign land. I want to rejoice over someone else's delight. I want to get out of here.

Please go see this movie. Ignore some of the weird romantic details, though. It gets somewhat annoying.

Just ordered "The Collection" Limited Edition by Alanis Morissette! :D

"Everything"

Lyrics to "Everything" by Alanis Morissette

I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

And you’re still here
And you're still here...

BROTHERS

UREKA!

Lately, i've been asking myself, "What is one huge thing that my witness is missing?" I've heard that if you are the type of person that struggles with bluntly sharing the Word with strangers that your life can be the preliminary part of your witness. Well, there are certain "strangers" that i don't seem to have reached. It's so frustrating trying to find out the missing key. I just opened up one of my old journals. I read a certain passage that i had written about a year or so ago. There it was. BAM. "STOP COMPLAINING!"

The lost need to see my contentment in Christ. They need to see how eternally comforted my spirit is. They need to see how nothing can bring my heart to a place of bitterness or hatred. That isn't going to happen if i'm constantly complaining about a parking ticket, a class schedule, or financial issues. And it isn't going to happen if i'm constantly worrying about everything. They need to see what true faith is, not just the facebook statuses about Jesus.

I love epiphanies! Thought i'd share. Goodnight!

I do believe that i am a "wunderkind". I do consider myself to be a "magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment". I do find myself daydreaming of places that are "spell-bound and un-childproofed". And i am indeed "destined to reign" and "destined to rule".

Here we go.....

Hear we go. Another year is starting. A new set of classes and a new set of nerves for how the year is going to end up. Oh boy. I hate this part. Am i going to be able to handle my schedule? Will my work load be too much for me? Will i be able to have a social life? QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS! I might have to do a bit of tweaky tweaky to my school/life schedule.

I'm just gonna lay it all on the table. I FINALLY got the chance to take a dance class at school and im going to be in a piece that's in a showcase at the end of the semester. I can indeed do one or the other. However, i would like to do both. Here's the issue. As badly as i wanted this and as quickly as i would have ditched other classes to take this one, i've really felt called to focus a lot on my art classes. That IS my career after all! I have three studio classes this semester. AKA......a LOT of work! And i would rather become the best in my area of study than try something else and it effect the main reason why i'm even at college!

I honestly don't know what to do. I've wanted this for a while. I feel like i've finally been given the opportunity and now its too much. It's simply a matter of scheduling being too heavy. Ya know what? Maybe i should just go with my gut. Maybe i should just follow my instincts. Ok. Here we go. Time to lay it all down at HIS feet and allow God to take care of this situation!

Thanks blogspot for being my outlet for this kind of stuff :)

18th Floor Balcony

I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep

But Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
we're both flying away.

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me and,
I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking and
Thats when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me... (yeah)
I knew from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep

But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away

And I'll try to sleep
to keep you in my dreams
'Till I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
and when i do I'll keep you in my...dreams

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
And your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...

Yeah
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No...We're not going to sleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor baclony...
We're both flying away.

Dance Photoshoot

This is from a dance photo shoot that we did yesterday. I promise to post the rest of them once they are all edited :) JACOB THOMAS PHOTOGRAPHY

cure for hatred...

Today has been exquisite. I woke up, nearly free from the soreness that i've had the past two days, i read some incredible stuff by max lucado (which i'll exhibit in a bit), and my found out that my scholarship money went through. Gosh, a MIGHTY fortress is our God!

If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember some quotes from Max Lucado that i got out of my bible study Experiencing the Heart of Jesus. Well i'm about to hook you people up with another one! Today's lesson was titled "The Heaviness of Hatred." It dealt with all things concerning bitterness, vengeance, and anger towards other people. I needed this lesson. Let's just say that i've had some bitterness bottled up inside of me lately. I needed something like this to shed light on the fact that i have been in the wrong for so many weeks.

Hatred is something that doesn't make sense in the life of a christian. If a person has truly experienced the love of Christ Jesus, they are called to live a life that exudes that same love. They know what true grace is and cannot help but share it with others. So why are we so bad at this? It's human nature. However, God calls us to be super-natural. Slowly but surely, this is happening in my life.

To quote Mr. Lucado,

"As we grow to relish and experience the love of Christ, one of the results is a growing love for other people. And irrational, inexplicable desire to love and forgive them replaces time-worn bitterness. The Bible says when we experience great forgiveness ourselves, we are able to love others all the more (Luke 7:47). However, if we have yet to realize the weight of our own indebtedness to God, we will be stingy with our love."

This is so true in my life. I am the most unforgiving when i become unaware of my own filth. There are times in my life when i feel "I'm doing okay. I haven't done anything crazy rash lately." This is the danger zone. When i forget how undeserving yet in need i am of Christ's love. I may always think to myself, "But God, SOMEONE has to pay for what that person did." All i need do is listen and God says to me, "Someone already has."

give it up

I love being humbled by God. It cleanses my spirit. I t brings me back down to earth. It ironically raises me up. It makes me feel wanted. It dissolves my distress. And it gives me reason to worship.

As you may know from reading my blog, I am quite the dreamer. Most of my day is spent day-dreaming about performing and creating things that bring joy to people's hearts. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep at night due to my constant thinking about all of the things that i love. Unfortunately, it often takes a toll on my work. My father is always making fun of the glazed expressions on my face when he finds me daydreaming when i should be working. He says that this is the case with most people my age.

I believe that constant daydreaming is a sign of constant wanting. For many years i ignored a few passions of mine and in doing so, i brought myself to a pretty harsh breakdown. To prevent that from happening again, i went out on a limb and embraced everything that was once shoved aside. In many ways, it felt great. But it also felt incorrect. It felt forced. Once again, i found myself in dangerous territory. I may love this thing or that thing, but in the end, if it wasn't meant to be, I would have to accept it.

I've come to realize that we are all allowed to dream. We are all aloud to admire from afar the things we wish we had. But we have also all been offered citizenship in the kingdom of God our father- something that should be sufficient no matter what. I'm guilty of forgetting that. I do indeed wish that i could move people to tears in a dance or a song. But if that never happens, I must bring God glory by never falling away from Him because of it.

It just feels good to know that I never had the opportunity to take that class or join that team because God has prepared something even better for me! And even more, the realization that it is NOT ALL ABOUT ME! It's is about God getting glory out of my finding joy in HIS mighty power. To quote the genius that is Imogen Heap, there definitely is "beauty in the breakdown."