cure for hatred...

Today has been exquisite. I woke up, nearly free from the soreness that i've had the past two days, i read some incredible stuff by max lucado (which i'll exhibit in a bit), and my found out that my scholarship money went through. Gosh, a MIGHTY fortress is our God!

If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember some quotes from Max Lucado that i got out of my bible study Experiencing the Heart of Jesus. Well i'm about to hook you people up with another one! Today's lesson was titled "The Heaviness of Hatred." It dealt with all things concerning bitterness, vengeance, and anger towards other people. I needed this lesson. Let's just say that i've had some bitterness bottled up inside of me lately. I needed something like this to shed light on the fact that i have been in the wrong for so many weeks.

Hatred is something that doesn't make sense in the life of a christian. If a person has truly experienced the love of Christ Jesus, they are called to live a life that exudes that same love. They know what true grace is and cannot help but share it with others. So why are we so bad at this? It's human nature. However, God calls us to be super-natural. Slowly but surely, this is happening in my life.

To quote Mr. Lucado,

"As we grow to relish and experience the love of Christ, one of the results is a growing love for other people. And irrational, inexplicable desire to love and forgive them replaces time-worn bitterness. The Bible says when we experience great forgiveness ourselves, we are able to love others all the more (Luke 7:47). However, if we have yet to realize the weight of our own indebtedness to God, we will be stingy with our love."

This is so true in my life. I am the most unforgiving when i become unaware of my own filth. There are times in my life when i feel "I'm doing okay. I haven't done anything crazy rash lately." This is the danger zone. When i forget how undeserving yet in need i am of Christ's love. I may always think to myself, "But God, SOMEONE has to pay for what that person did." All i need do is listen and God says to me, "Someone already has."

give it up

I love being humbled by God. It cleanses my spirit. I t brings me back down to earth. It ironically raises me up. It makes me feel wanted. It dissolves my distress. And it gives me reason to worship.

As you may know from reading my blog, I am quite the dreamer. Most of my day is spent day-dreaming about performing and creating things that bring joy to people's hearts. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep at night due to my constant thinking about all of the things that i love. Unfortunately, it often takes a toll on my work. My father is always making fun of the glazed expressions on my face when he finds me daydreaming when i should be working. He says that this is the case with most people my age.

I believe that constant daydreaming is a sign of constant wanting. For many years i ignored a few passions of mine and in doing so, i brought myself to a pretty harsh breakdown. To prevent that from happening again, i went out on a limb and embraced everything that was once shoved aside. In many ways, it felt great. But it also felt incorrect. It felt forced. Once again, i found myself in dangerous territory. I may love this thing or that thing, but in the end, if it wasn't meant to be, I would have to accept it.

I've come to realize that we are all allowed to dream. We are all aloud to admire from afar the things we wish we had. But we have also all been offered citizenship in the kingdom of God our father- something that should be sufficient no matter what. I'm guilty of forgetting that. I do indeed wish that i could move people to tears in a dance or a song. But if that never happens, I must bring God glory by never falling away from Him because of it.

It just feels good to know that I never had the opportunity to take that class or join that team because God has prepared something even better for me! And even more, the realization that it is NOT ALL ABOUT ME! It's is about God getting glory out of my finding joy in HIS mighty power. To quote the genius that is Imogen Heap, there definitely is "beauty in the breakdown."

all over the place :P

Life is so crazy right now. I'm not being dramatic. It really is. I have FOOTLOOSE nearly everyday, which is a good thing. We're desperately trying to sell our house and move out of Central. I just got back from New York City, more enchanted than ever. I'm sitting at home wondering where to go with my life.

This is all happening at once and it is incredibly overwhelming. But as always.....God is giving me an ounce of peace about it. And that will suffice for now.

There are so many choices in life that always seem so annoyingly imperative. Why can't someone just MAKE ME take this one path in life and decide where i absolutely need to be in the next ten years?! That would make things so much easier. Do i want to pursue my art, which is something that i'm already decent at and am already in the process of getting a degree in? Or do i pursue performing, which i something that i'm good at but need a lot more work? The latter is the one that i'm most passionate about, but it, of course, happens to be the most inaccessible of the two.

I suppose you can classify the majority of my strife as "Internal Struggle" or something related to any kind of decision making. Thankfully, when i get caught up in something totally ridiculous, God lassos my mind and pulls me back up to Him.

It may seem like i am complaining about my life and the craziness that it entails. However, i am writing this to express the loveliness that is life and the sovereignty of God's pursuing nature! I love the randomness of life and the risks that it sometimes requires.

It's getting close to the dates of the FOOTLOOSE performances. If any of you want tickets, which you should because it's going to be so freaking legit, you can go to www.manshiptheatre.org to purchase the tickets! :) I love you all and thanks for reading!