rising to the bottom.....

The following is from Men of the Bible by James Stuart Bell:

"In a culture where ambition is praised as a man's highest virtue, far too many Christian men adopt a "whatever it takes" attitude toward rising up the ranks.

Whether it's the CEO who cooks the books (just a little!) to make himself and his company look better to investors, the low-level business executive who bad-mouths his peers to make himself look better to his superiors, or the church member who creates problems in the congregation to further his own agenda, people take advantage of opportunities for self-promotion that abound in this world.

God takes a dim view of such strategies.

A man named Shebna held a good deal of power in the administration of King Hezekiah, but pride and vanity ruled his heart. He used his high position to promote himself by beginning to construct an extravagant tomb for his eventual burial.

In so doing, Shebna wrote his own ticked out of town.

Although he sought personal glory, Shebna discovered the quickest way to the bottom. The Lord put a stop to his plans, removed him from office, and exiled him far from Judah (see Isaiah 22:17-18). God had given Shebna everything he needed to become a great servant, but the foolish man squandered those good gifts by trying to rise to the top in his own selfish way.

No doubt you have some goals that you want to reach and the talents angd gifts you need to make them happen. God want to be at the center of all your plans. your part in the equation is to use all He has given you for His glory and the good of other."

So you might be wondering why i posted something like this. Basically it nails exactly what has been stressing my heart out this month/week. As you all know, i'm a theatre kid. Performing for and audience excites my heart and puts me in a state of sheer joy. As of right now i am a history major at SELU. Now, the big issue has been pondering what exactly i want to do with my life from here. I do love to study history, and the thought of teaching people about it does indeed excite my heart. But i find myself most often daydreaming of music, performing that music, and giving all the credit to God. But what would that cost? Am i ready to give up a more steady future like education for something that could fail with an injury? If it's what i love and continue to dream about it should be a no-brainer....right? Well here's where Shebna comes in! A more important question to ask myself is: am i idolizing the talent i've been given, building myself up, instead of focusing on God's plan and allowing Him to put my talents to the rhythms of His plans for me? Who knows what i'm supposed to be asking myself! I need prayer that i figure this out and that i grown to focus on what's in front of me and allow God to "take the wheel" , if i may quote ms. underwood :) I'm not going to give up working on anything. I'll just have to step down from pedestal right now and stop worrying.....

i will rest in YOU.....

"Lord, i'm in the dark,

seems to me the light is dead

when i come calling. No one there.

The sky is falling.

Lord i need to know! My mind

is playing games again. You're

right where you have always been.

TAKE ME BACK TO YOU!

The place that i once knew as a

little child. Constantly the eyes of

God watched over me.

LORD I WANT TO BE..

In the place that i once knew as a little

child, fall into the bed of faith prepared

for me.....

Tell me i'm a fool. Tell me that you

love me for the fool i am. And comfort me, like

only You can. Tell me there's a place,

where i can feel your breath like sweet

caresses on my face again...."

What a thing to sing praises to! How often do we forget about Christ's love in the sense of something like this. How he doesn't simply make us feel good, but in His sovereignty and His worthiness we find rest and He appears as an actual father to us!

Lyrics to "I Will Rest in You" by Jaci Velasquez"

Check out the video :)

oh buggah......

So i am terribly sorry if you are disappointed in me after reading the following. I find myself in dire need to smear all that is on my heart on this canvas of a blog.

If i have the ultimate master of the universe driving my ship, why do i find it so hard to simply row with the other shipmates even while the driver hands me more than i need to do it? On top of that, the driver insists that i stop trying to help him control the boat. I still want to. I feel obligated. So i slump to the back of the boat and try to decipher the directions to steadying a ship so massive as this one. Only, i already know it all. So i sit there confused....very confused. Is there something i've been doing wrong all this time? Why do i have this passion to take hold myself? Why do i not pay attention to the directions that i already know?????

Now, if you are anywhere close to having the amount of confusion and odd mental pictures flying around in your head as i do now, perhaps i can explain it in rhetoric or something of the same nature.

How hard is it to give up YOU? To anything. Perhaps you find it easy to give up yourself to your spouse or someone very dear to you. In this case i mean giving up YOU to God? I just recently was reminded of many truths of christianity. Truths that are more than often hidden underneath the veil of perhaps sunday school or your standard church sermon. How many years of preaching have lacked not only gumption for the truth in the church, but the audacity to sing it to the heavens and to one another?! The truth of christianity is that it is NOT about us! The basis of my relationship with God has been ME wrapping HIS commandments around MYSELF. If you didn't notice, the ratio of myself to God in that sentence was 2:1. My heart should be hardwired to want to praise God even if while i'm doing it, i'm being thrown into hell.

I tell you today that i am not at that point. It's terrifying. It's satan. And it's sinful. That's me. Is there hope? Yes, there is. Am i capable? Yes, i am.

There you have it. I tell you, reader of this blog, that i am working on this. Hopefully in time it will be at His pace and not mine.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

life on the head of a pin.....

Life recently, for me, has consisted of many things making it seem as a piece of dental floss easily cut in half by the dullest of blades. Friends are moving away. Relationships are ending. Old times are being packed up. And a new chapter of life is about to begin. In all of this i find it hard to find one thing to really focus on as far as what God is doing in my life. I mean obviously He's doing the whole "comfort me in the mist of trouble" thing. But somehow i feel like I'm so focused on the metaphysical proof of His pursuing me. Maybe he waiting in His armchair flipping through the book of life. Maybe He's watching me pace the floor as i try to count the number of ceiling tiles. He's waiting for me to sit next to Him and ask Him what the book He's holding is about.

I've found, mostly this summer, how much of an adventurous person i've come to be. Indeed i still want to do God's work in being a servant of Him and His people. But i also want to see this world that He has placed me on. I want to interact with it's people and discover it's places. Unfortunately for me, discovering this meant discovering that some parts of my life i was no longer in love with. I'm very sorry if this is scatter-brained. I've been the type of person who is a dreamer. Who sits back and dreams off of what other's have experienced. I loved to watch as people went out into the world and wrote books on their discoveries and on the universe as a whole. I was content with this. But now i find myself more and more pursuing the experience part of that. I keep awaiting someone who knows me so much and knows my strengths and weaknesses is going to shove me into the airport terminal whether or not my nerves like it! Whooda thought that person might be God?! I know, right? IDIOT! But this is where the story gets a little different.

After realizing all of this, the thought of maybe i'm focusing so much on the "world" started to occur. After all, God did say that we could never love Him and the world together. That part i'm still trying to work on. But then i came across a quote by MAX LUCADO.

"We, like Paul, are aware of two things: We are great sinners and we need a great savior. We, like Peter, are aware of two facts: We are going down and God is standing up. So we...leave behind the Titanic of self-righteousness and stand on the solid path of God's grace. And, surprisingly, we are able to walk water. Death is disarmed. Failures are forgivable. Life has real purpose. and God is not only within sight. He is within reach."

Pretty legit, huh?! Through all the mental battles here comes the peace. My salvation and the promised safekeeping of my soul is not so much teetering on the head of a pin. The part of my life that matters: Not the girlfriend, not the travel, not the school, it's all placed in the margin. It all comes back to Jesus. So He is mighty. Dillon, stop worrying. I'll put my faith in Him and make sure i don't stray too far. Sure i'll fall on my face five million times. But with the help of a few disciples, intimate time with Him, and some perseverance, the path will always seem worthwhile.