If i have the ultimate master of the universe driving my ship, why do i find it so hard to simply row with the other shipmates even while the driver hands me more than i need to do it? On top of that, the driver insists that i stop trying to help him control the boat. I still want to. I feel obligated. So i slump to the back of the boat and try to decipher the directions to steadying a ship so massive as this one. Only, i already know it all. So i sit there confused....very confused. Is there something i've been doing wrong all this time? Why do i have this passion to take hold myself? Why do i not pay attention to the directions that i already know?????
Now, if you are anywhere close to having the amount of confusion and odd mental pictures flying around in your head as i do now, perhaps i can explain it in rhetoric or something of the same nature.
How hard is it to give up YOU? To anything. Perhaps you find it easy to give up yourself to your spouse or someone very dear to you. In this case i mean giving up YOU to God? I just recently was reminded of many truths of christianity. Truths that are more than often hidden underneath the veil of perhaps sunday school or your standard church sermon. How many years of preaching have lacked not only gumption for the truth in the church, but the audacity to sing it to the heavens and to one another?! The truth of christianity is that it is NOT about us! The basis of my relationship with God has been ME wrapping HIS commandments around MYSELF. If you didn't notice, the ratio of myself to God in that sentence was 2:1. My heart should be hardwired to want to praise God even if while i'm doing it, i'm being thrown into hell.
I tell you today that i am not at that point. It's terrifying. It's satan. And it's sinful. That's me. Is there hope? Yes, there is. Am i capable? Yes, i am.
There you have it. I tell you, reader of this blog, that i am working on this. Hopefully in time it will be at His pace and not mine.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
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