give it up

I love being humbled by God. It cleanses my spirit. I t brings me back down to earth. It ironically raises me up. It makes me feel wanted. It dissolves my distress. And it gives me reason to worship.

As you may know from reading my blog, I am quite the dreamer. Most of my day is spent day-dreaming about performing and creating things that bring joy to people's hearts. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep at night due to my constant thinking about all of the things that i love. Unfortunately, it often takes a toll on my work. My father is always making fun of the glazed expressions on my face when he finds me daydreaming when i should be working. He says that this is the case with most people my age.

I believe that constant daydreaming is a sign of constant wanting. For many years i ignored a few passions of mine and in doing so, i brought myself to a pretty harsh breakdown. To prevent that from happening again, i went out on a limb and embraced everything that was once shoved aside. In many ways, it felt great. But it also felt incorrect. It felt forced. Once again, i found myself in dangerous territory. I may love this thing or that thing, but in the end, if it wasn't meant to be, I would have to accept it.

I've come to realize that we are all allowed to dream. We are all aloud to admire from afar the things we wish we had. But we have also all been offered citizenship in the kingdom of God our father- something that should be sufficient no matter what. I'm guilty of forgetting that. I do indeed wish that i could move people to tears in a dance or a song. But if that never happens, I must bring God glory by never falling away from Him because of it.

It just feels good to know that I never had the opportunity to take that class or join that team because God has prepared something even better for me! And even more, the realization that it is NOT ALL ABOUT ME! It's is about God getting glory out of my finding joy in HIS mighty power. To quote the genius that is Imogen Heap, there definitely is "beauty in the breakdown."