a little unsettled....

One thing that i've found myself really desperate for is someone equally interested in the art of dance as me. I want to grow as a dancer. The only way to do that is to have someone better than me to help guide me and teach me more technique. With the theatre, no one else really cares that much or has the caliber of skill. I'm just expected to take all of the solos. Okay, that sounded so incredibly vain it's not even funny. But if i don't talk bluntly, i'll just be giving you people word vomit. Of course i don't mean to build myself up, i just meant to express the extent of this scenario. I just have no studio space, no teacher, and no fellow dancers. Can you feel my frustration? Oh yea, and no money to afford anymore lessons. Ok. I'm shutting up. This all sounds like diva-ness and i don't think i'll be able to explain it any better. Thanks for reading.

bring the rain...

Ok guys. Lately things have been really crazy! And i don't totally mean with scheduling stuff. I mean spiritual emotional stuff. I'm just having to revamp so many areas of my life that i let slip into darkness in a matter of like a month. With the large amounts of rehearsal for footloose, i've pushed God aside and said, "We'll catch up later." Not good. I realize that this is a normal reaction to a busy schedule. But i want to be above the norm.

When i say that God is in control, i mean every bit of it. As many times as i proclaim God's sovereignty, i always find myself trying to MAKE MYSELF good. The bible says, "You began your life in Christ, now you are trying to make it right by your own power? That is foolishness." Hello! There it is . In black and white ink. I think that i am just a victimof that type of personality haha. I always want to be the one to fix anything that i cause to go wrong. But God uses other christian brothers and sisters to help you out and sometimes carry the entire load, just as Christ did/does every day. So i do believe that it's time to loosen the reigns.

My point in telling you all of that was to express how pursuing God really is. Every time i hit a dry spot, any time i find myself in dangerous waters, any time i find myself on the brink of doubt, He draws me back. HE does the work all over again. Because i am not strong enough to take that one big step again to revamp my relationship with Him, He draws me back to Him with His intoxicating spirit. THAT is when i am sure of my salvation, when i can hear Him drawing me back. It's when i feel back at home and the rest of the world seems so trivial from then on. To quote one of the songs overplayed on KLOVE, "He's not finished with me yet!"

If any of you know of the band BRANCH, their lead vocalist, Rachel Ruth, has just released her first solo album! It's quite fantastic! You should check it out!

Rachel Ruth

MONDAY NIGHT

just an update...

Hey guys. I just realized that i haven't posted anything in a while. Whoops. So i'm just going to give you all a very summarized version of what's been going on lately.

1. Rehearsals. Footloose is coming along very well. I thought that the practices were going to be a lot less productive considering the amount of work that we had, and still have, to do. It's wearing me out, but i love that feeling. I love the feeling of exhaustion because you put EVERYTHING into the rehearsal. I can't wait to perform it at the Shaw Center!

2. Jesus. I've recently had to take a couple of steps back. I jumped into my summer vacation with must haste and it has made me pretty weary lately. All of a sudden i'm in full swing with rehearsal, going on vacations, and helping to sell our house. Very seldom have i been reading God's word. It has definitely been apparent. I've been super stressed about stuff with the show and i'm becoming less and less patient everyday. That's why, i've had to draw myself back into reality and remind myself of the Savior for which i live. The only way that i am able to do this is because of God's pursuing nature.

3. New York City. I will be in New York City less than two weeks from now. I will be with three of the most influential people in my life. And i will finally be in the city that i feel has been calling my name from a very young age. This visit is long past due.

seafarer

Well we finally made it to the beach. This whole trip has been kinda chaotic from the planning stage until now. My step sister wasn't able to join us this year, like she has in the past, and then we were in danger of there being oil all up and down the beaches. I sit here and declare the awesomeness of our God. I get to spend quality time with my real sister, who owns a good chunk of my heart, and there is not a drop of oil on the beach. God would have received the credit no matter the outcome, but my human nature can't help but be a little excited that it turned out the way that it did :) I'm looking foward to a relaxing 7 days here at Fort Walton beach before my summer of chaos begins haha.