HIYAH!

hey guys. Sorry i haven't posted much lately. I've somewhat relocated to something a little different. I've been spending a lot of time physically journaling. No offense to any of you fine people, it's just that life has been so refreshingly different lately that i feel as if i would be too censored if i were to blog publically :)

Oh and also, a recent addiction of mine is TUMBLR. I got a tumblr blog a long time ago. But i've recently been spending a lot of time on it, reposting people's quotes and pictures! :D chech me out! http://onthewater2.tumblr.com/

Love you guys! PEACE!

Eat Pray Love

I just had one of the best Sunday afternoons ever. I got to spend the whole day with my mom and sister. We went to go see Eat Pray Love. The movie was incredible. I love to travel and see the different cultures of the world. After the movie we went to World Market, my new obsession. This place is incredible. They have all of this amazing stuff from around the world that are imported in bulk so they aren't so expensive. I could go soooo bankrupt in that store! In fact, i almost did! Haha!

Everyday i find myself more and more eager to see the world and experience it's range of personalities. I want to speak another language. I want to marvel at the taste of foreign cuisine. I want to look into the eyes of desolation. I want to stand where those who truly marveled at the stars stood. I want to be influenced. I want to really feel the history of a foreign land. I want to rejoice over someone else's delight. I want to get out of here.

Please go see this movie. Ignore some of the weird romantic details, though. It gets somewhat annoying.

Just ordered "The Collection" Limited Edition by Alanis Morissette! :D

"Everything"

Lyrics to "Everything" by Alanis Morissette

I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it’s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you’ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you’ve never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can’t relate
And you’re still here

And you’re still here
And you're still here...

BROTHERS

UREKA!

Lately, i've been asking myself, "What is one huge thing that my witness is missing?" I've heard that if you are the type of person that struggles with bluntly sharing the Word with strangers that your life can be the preliminary part of your witness. Well, there are certain "strangers" that i don't seem to have reached. It's so frustrating trying to find out the missing key. I just opened up one of my old journals. I read a certain passage that i had written about a year or so ago. There it was. BAM. "STOP COMPLAINING!"

The lost need to see my contentment in Christ. They need to see how eternally comforted my spirit is. They need to see how nothing can bring my heart to a place of bitterness or hatred. That isn't going to happen if i'm constantly complaining about a parking ticket, a class schedule, or financial issues. And it isn't going to happen if i'm constantly worrying about everything. They need to see what true faith is, not just the facebook statuses about Jesus.

I love epiphanies! Thought i'd share. Goodnight!

I do believe that i am a "wunderkind". I do consider myself to be a "magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment". I do find myself daydreaming of places that are "spell-bound and un-childproofed". And i am indeed "destined to reign" and "destined to rule".

Here we go.....

Hear we go. Another year is starting. A new set of classes and a new set of nerves for how the year is going to end up. Oh boy. I hate this part. Am i going to be able to handle my schedule? Will my work load be too much for me? Will i be able to have a social life? QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS! I might have to do a bit of tweaky tweaky to my school/life schedule.

I'm just gonna lay it all on the table. I FINALLY got the chance to take a dance class at school and im going to be in a piece that's in a showcase at the end of the semester. I can indeed do one or the other. However, i would like to do both. Here's the issue. As badly as i wanted this and as quickly as i would have ditched other classes to take this one, i've really felt called to focus a lot on my art classes. That IS my career after all! I have three studio classes this semester. AKA......a LOT of work! And i would rather become the best in my area of study than try something else and it effect the main reason why i'm even at college!

I honestly don't know what to do. I've wanted this for a while. I feel like i've finally been given the opportunity and now its too much. It's simply a matter of scheduling being too heavy. Ya know what? Maybe i should just go with my gut. Maybe i should just follow my instincts. Ok. Here we go. Time to lay it all down at HIS feet and allow God to take care of this situation!

Thanks blogspot for being my outlet for this kind of stuff :)

18th Floor Balcony

I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep

But Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
we're both flying away.

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me and,
I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking and
Thats when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me... (yeah)
I knew from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep

But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away

And I'll try to sleep
to keep you in my dreams
'Till I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
and when i do I'll keep you in my...dreams

I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
And your head is on my stomach
And we're, we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...

Yeah
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No...We're not going to sleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor baclony...
We're both flying away.

Dance Photoshoot

This is from a dance photo shoot that we did yesterday. I promise to post the rest of them once they are all edited :) JACOB THOMAS PHOTOGRAPHY

cure for hatred...

Today has been exquisite. I woke up, nearly free from the soreness that i've had the past two days, i read some incredible stuff by max lucado (which i'll exhibit in a bit), and my found out that my scholarship money went through. Gosh, a MIGHTY fortress is our God!

If you've been following my blog from the beginning, you may remember some quotes from Max Lucado that i got out of my bible study Experiencing the Heart of Jesus. Well i'm about to hook you people up with another one! Today's lesson was titled "The Heaviness of Hatred." It dealt with all things concerning bitterness, vengeance, and anger towards other people. I needed this lesson. Let's just say that i've had some bitterness bottled up inside of me lately. I needed something like this to shed light on the fact that i have been in the wrong for so many weeks.

Hatred is something that doesn't make sense in the life of a christian. If a person has truly experienced the love of Christ Jesus, they are called to live a life that exudes that same love. They know what true grace is and cannot help but share it with others. So why are we so bad at this? It's human nature. However, God calls us to be super-natural. Slowly but surely, this is happening in my life.

To quote Mr. Lucado,

"As we grow to relish and experience the love of Christ, one of the results is a growing love for other people. And irrational, inexplicable desire to love and forgive them replaces time-worn bitterness. The Bible says when we experience great forgiveness ourselves, we are able to love others all the more (Luke 7:47). However, if we have yet to realize the weight of our own indebtedness to God, we will be stingy with our love."

This is so true in my life. I am the most unforgiving when i become unaware of my own filth. There are times in my life when i feel "I'm doing okay. I haven't done anything crazy rash lately." This is the danger zone. When i forget how undeserving yet in need i am of Christ's love. I may always think to myself, "But God, SOMEONE has to pay for what that person did." All i need do is listen and God says to me, "Someone already has."

give it up

I love being humbled by God. It cleanses my spirit. I t brings me back down to earth. It ironically raises me up. It makes me feel wanted. It dissolves my distress. And it gives me reason to worship.

As you may know from reading my blog, I am quite the dreamer. Most of my day is spent day-dreaming about performing and creating things that bring joy to people's hearts. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep at night due to my constant thinking about all of the things that i love. Unfortunately, it often takes a toll on my work. My father is always making fun of the glazed expressions on my face when he finds me daydreaming when i should be working. He says that this is the case with most people my age.

I believe that constant daydreaming is a sign of constant wanting. For many years i ignored a few passions of mine and in doing so, i brought myself to a pretty harsh breakdown. To prevent that from happening again, i went out on a limb and embraced everything that was once shoved aside. In many ways, it felt great. But it also felt incorrect. It felt forced. Once again, i found myself in dangerous territory. I may love this thing or that thing, but in the end, if it wasn't meant to be, I would have to accept it.

I've come to realize that we are all allowed to dream. We are all aloud to admire from afar the things we wish we had. But we have also all been offered citizenship in the kingdom of God our father- something that should be sufficient no matter what. I'm guilty of forgetting that. I do indeed wish that i could move people to tears in a dance or a song. But if that never happens, I must bring God glory by never falling away from Him because of it.

It just feels good to know that I never had the opportunity to take that class or join that team because God has prepared something even better for me! And even more, the realization that it is NOT ALL ABOUT ME! It's is about God getting glory out of my finding joy in HIS mighty power. To quote the genius that is Imogen Heap, there definitely is "beauty in the breakdown."

all over the place :P

Life is so crazy right now. I'm not being dramatic. It really is. I have FOOTLOOSE nearly everyday, which is a good thing. We're desperately trying to sell our house and move out of Central. I just got back from New York City, more enchanted than ever. I'm sitting at home wondering where to go with my life.

This is all happening at once and it is incredibly overwhelming. But as always.....God is giving me an ounce of peace about it. And that will suffice for now.

There are so many choices in life that always seem so annoyingly imperative. Why can't someone just MAKE ME take this one path in life and decide where i absolutely need to be in the next ten years?! That would make things so much easier. Do i want to pursue my art, which is something that i'm already decent at and am already in the process of getting a degree in? Or do i pursue performing, which i something that i'm good at but need a lot more work? The latter is the one that i'm most passionate about, but it, of course, happens to be the most inaccessible of the two.

I suppose you can classify the majority of my strife as "Internal Struggle" or something related to any kind of decision making. Thankfully, when i get caught up in something totally ridiculous, God lassos my mind and pulls me back up to Him.

It may seem like i am complaining about my life and the craziness that it entails. However, i am writing this to express the loveliness that is life and the sovereignty of God's pursuing nature! I love the randomness of life and the risks that it sometimes requires.

It's getting close to the dates of the FOOTLOOSE performances. If any of you want tickets, which you should because it's going to be so freaking legit, you can go to www.manshiptheatre.org to purchase the tickets! :) I love you all and thanks for reading!

a little unsettled....

One thing that i've found myself really desperate for is someone equally interested in the art of dance as me. I want to grow as a dancer. The only way to do that is to have someone better than me to help guide me and teach me more technique. With the theatre, no one else really cares that much or has the caliber of skill. I'm just expected to take all of the solos. Okay, that sounded so incredibly vain it's not even funny. But if i don't talk bluntly, i'll just be giving you people word vomit. Of course i don't mean to build myself up, i just meant to express the extent of this scenario. I just have no studio space, no teacher, and no fellow dancers. Can you feel my frustration? Oh yea, and no money to afford anymore lessons. Ok. I'm shutting up. This all sounds like diva-ness and i don't think i'll be able to explain it any better. Thanks for reading.

bring the rain...

Ok guys. Lately things have been really crazy! And i don't totally mean with scheduling stuff. I mean spiritual emotional stuff. I'm just having to revamp so many areas of my life that i let slip into darkness in a matter of like a month. With the large amounts of rehearsal for footloose, i've pushed God aside and said, "We'll catch up later." Not good. I realize that this is a normal reaction to a busy schedule. But i want to be above the norm.

When i say that God is in control, i mean every bit of it. As many times as i proclaim God's sovereignty, i always find myself trying to MAKE MYSELF good. The bible says, "You began your life in Christ, now you are trying to make it right by your own power? That is foolishness." Hello! There it is . In black and white ink. I think that i am just a victimof that type of personality haha. I always want to be the one to fix anything that i cause to go wrong. But God uses other christian brothers and sisters to help you out and sometimes carry the entire load, just as Christ did/does every day. So i do believe that it's time to loosen the reigns.

My point in telling you all of that was to express how pursuing God really is. Every time i hit a dry spot, any time i find myself in dangerous waters, any time i find myself on the brink of doubt, He draws me back. HE does the work all over again. Because i am not strong enough to take that one big step again to revamp my relationship with Him, He draws me back to Him with His intoxicating spirit. THAT is when i am sure of my salvation, when i can hear Him drawing me back. It's when i feel back at home and the rest of the world seems so trivial from then on. To quote one of the songs overplayed on KLOVE, "He's not finished with me yet!"

If any of you know of the band BRANCH, their lead vocalist, Rachel Ruth, has just released her first solo album! It's quite fantastic! You should check it out!

Rachel Ruth

MONDAY NIGHT

just an update...

Hey guys. I just realized that i haven't posted anything in a while. Whoops. So i'm just going to give you all a very summarized version of what's been going on lately.

1. Rehearsals. Footloose is coming along very well. I thought that the practices were going to be a lot less productive considering the amount of work that we had, and still have, to do. It's wearing me out, but i love that feeling. I love the feeling of exhaustion because you put EVERYTHING into the rehearsal. I can't wait to perform it at the Shaw Center!

2. Jesus. I've recently had to take a couple of steps back. I jumped into my summer vacation with must haste and it has made me pretty weary lately. All of a sudden i'm in full swing with rehearsal, going on vacations, and helping to sell our house. Very seldom have i been reading God's word. It has definitely been apparent. I've been super stressed about stuff with the show and i'm becoming less and less patient everyday. That's why, i've had to draw myself back into reality and remind myself of the Savior for which i live. The only way that i am able to do this is because of God's pursuing nature.

3. New York City. I will be in New York City less than two weeks from now. I will be with three of the most influential people in my life. And i will finally be in the city that i feel has been calling my name from a very young age. This visit is long past due.

seafarer

Well we finally made it to the beach. This whole trip has been kinda chaotic from the planning stage until now. My step sister wasn't able to join us this year, like she has in the past, and then we were in danger of there being oil all up and down the beaches. I sit here and declare the awesomeness of our God. I get to spend quality time with my real sister, who owns a good chunk of my heart, and there is not a drop of oil on the beach. God would have received the credit no matter the outcome, but my human nature can't help but be a little excited that it turned out the way that it did :) I'm looking foward to a relaxing 7 days here at Fort Walton beach before my summer of chaos begins haha.

At This Moment....

Life has been pretty good. But i'm not writing this entry to blab about my life this time. I'm writing this because i want you all to know about this certain song/dance that has become one of my favorites! The previous season of So You Think You Can Dance had two strikingly magnificent dancers, Jakob Karr and Kathryn McCormick. They were both my favorites during the competition. Close to the finale, they were paired together for a contemporary routine that was choreographed by the two owners of COMPLEXIONS, which is a contemporary ballet company. THIS DANCE WAS SO STINKIN LEGIT! It was intense, yet it was also so gentle. Just overall very well done! I'm just deciding right now to share it with you peeps. Enjoy!

Here is the link to the video on youtube also!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqRzfIMr7U8

If everyone could just pray for healing right now that would be nice. Going through a rough spot. Thank You

the epicness of cindy thornton!

Hey guys. Now that i'm done with all of my finals, and yes, i'm now a college sophomore whoop whoop, i'm bored and have been piddling with photoshop all afternoon! I thought that i might do a collage of my all-time favorite artist in the world, Cindy Thornton! :) i hope you guys like!

You are still holy.....

Ooh boy. School is coming to an end. That's going to be nice. But in the midst of ending the school year, i find myself overlooking so many things that i need to be focusing on. I need to be focusing on God's kingdom work---not the planning of each day of summer vacation. I need to be focusing on establishing a unbreakable relationship with the Abba Father---not issues concerning the summer musical production. I suppose i'm just yearning for my thoughts and actions to be organized and obedient.

But in all of this mess and chaos, one thing certainly rings true. Even though i am the most UNHOLY of them all, God IS STILL holy! I find myself in danger of bringing God down to MY level. For some reason i think that the creator of the universe should constantly be considered my "pal". As much as God is our friend and father, I need to be more careful about putting God in a box and forgetting that HE is sovereign! That is part of His beauty! He is working in me. However, in the meantime it might help acknowledging the fact that the most holy and powerful being is pursuing me :)

art :)

Here are a couple of my latest pieces. The first is a landscape of my backyard fence and woods area. Done in india ink wash. The second is my final project titled "Modern Day Glinda" inspired by the Musical Wicked along with a miss robert. You can check her out at http://morethancanaries.blogspot.com/

It was done in graphite and sharpie :)

thanks for checkin it out, peeps!

taDOW!

Okay okay. So today was a good day overall. However, it could have been a tad bit more productive. Story of my life! haha. I watched Pride and Prejudice AGAIN. Why am i such an anomaly of the male population? haha. Anyways, i made a trip to hobby lobby and bought some matte board to mount some of my art and such. I just recently picked back up on reading The Screwtape Letters :) Great book. I'm supah dupah glad to be reading it again!

In terms of JESUS, here it goes......This past week has been AMAZING! I've discovered so much joy that is found in Christ. Basically, i've come to a huge realization. I've recently realized that while being the total epic fail human being that i am, I'm still a work in progress. No matter how many times i ask God why He doesn't deliver me from the craziness of the world, He is still working in me and His grace is sufficient for me until that day of completion. SIGH. Relief. That's the GOD that i serve! The One that treasures our relationship. The One that, after capturing our hearts, leads us down the path of holiness, convicting us, and welcoming us in His fatherly embrace whenever we realize how helpless we are without Him. AMEN!!!!

I really don't feel like going one more day in my english class. Now it's at the point where we're just putting together some lame portfolio for the exam. lame lame lame. But oh well. My final art project got put into a show. Whoop whoop. So that's good. I posted on my other blog today as well. In preparation of this summer's musical, FOOTLOOSE, i realized that i hadn't stretched in a couple of weeks. I stretched for a good half an hour. My legs shook for about two hours afterwards! yikes. But i'm excited! My monologue is, not so ironically, about someone obsessed and intrigued with love. Someone captivated by its power but also bitter towards love of the unrequited sort. It's awesome. So i'm super pumped!

"If It Kills Me" by Jason Mraz

"Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
It would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing
Well you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours on end
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

How long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous
If I get caught I could be risking it all

Cause maybe there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said a word
I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

All I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
I think it might kill me

And all I really want from you is to feel me
Yeah, the feeling inside keeps building
I'll find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me "

This is one of my favorite songs. I think the basis of its appeal is mostly the reality of its content. Jason Mraz is a stinkin beast anyway. You should check it out.

flip book project!

Finally finished my flip book for ART 151- 2D Design. I used Adobe Illustrator. It was really hard so don't make fun! Oh, and i totally SUCK at actually "performing" the flip books! I think my thumbs are just ghetto or something haha

.....stress: relieved!

oooookay. So basically this past week was full of questions in my head. If you are anything like myself, you get in this slump and don't really feel motivated to seek answers for these questions. You write it off as something that you aren't "supposed to know." There are many questions that i feel definitely fall within this category. However, towards the end of the week i experienced a little something called gumption! i told myself, "Dillon, get over yourself and go to God with these questions!"

What a better place to look than one's own friends?! My bible study group couldn't have come at a more perfect time! My bible study leader just recently made a very huge decision in his life. Very huge! One that usually takes about two years to decide. He's made it in about three months. When he shared it with me and the rest of the fellahs, i began to worry. Being the child of Mona Chustz, i look at everything in terms of the consequences and i always want to make sure that the step i take is a step for the better. Nothing is insanely wrong about that. Except if you're a christian haha.

I consulted with my best friend, Mr. Smith, about the decisions and questions in my like presently. He realized how apprehensive i was to taking even the first step. He knows how i work. He knew that he would have to decompress so many layers of fear and doubt. And of course, being the genius that he is, he just plainly told me, "Dillon, if this is ordained by God to happen, then NOTHING that you do is going to mess it up!" AHH! I'm always so quick to point out if something is or is not supposed to happen; whether something is meant to be. Yet, this somehow must have slipped my mind! DUH! Of course if it's "supposed to happen" then there is no way that i can mess it up! If the creator of the universe has something in store for me, it WILL happen. My clumsiness, my accident-prone nature, my chronic case of diarrhea of the mouth, nothing can keep that from happening! Stress: Relieved!

"You care for the land and water it;

you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
to provide the people with grain,
for so you have ordained it." -Psalm 65:9

"your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:16

Also, as Mr. Max Lucado helped me to realize, while i am going through such a confusing and frustrating time in my life, i CANNOT allow it to hinder my witnessing of grace! I can't allow these issues to take my focus away from the issues that other people are facing and how urgent it is that i go to them and be a servant!

There is no exaggeration in expressing how grateful i am to have a God and Savior who knows the plans for my life. Someone who keeps me on track even though i keep falling off of it!

I suggest two songs this week" "Your Hands" by JJ Heller and "Healing in Your Hands" by Christy Nockels :)

Below are pictures that have recently made me happy :)

undressed........

Confusion sucks. Really, it does. It may perhaps be one of the most dangerous emotions that man is capable of experiencing. It scrambles. It frustrates. It annoys. It destroys. Of this particular emotion, i am an expert.

There are two different ways to deal with confusion: Give in and give up, or Give in and push on blindly.

These can almost be considered equally bad. Giving up is obviously a foolish move. However, the thought of going into anything blindly also causes uneasiness. Sadly, the former is one of my good friends. When i'm confused i often mentally give up. I find a loophole to the problem. One thing that i've learned about God is that confusion is one of His greatest enemies. For the most part, confusion has been about big decisions, picking the right college, scheduling classes, and simply deciding which way to turn next. Confusion often hangs on you like really heavy clothing. You try to get your mind off of it and accept the fact that it doesn't fit. Yet, the folds still drag the ground, it makes you sweat, and you end up having to hold it up and carry it in order to get through the day without tripping and completely falling on your face.

What about those of us who have confusion about little aspects of God? Or even the large aspects? Let's face it. God is pretty huge. In fact, He is THE biggest thing in all of creation. And you are confused?! SACRILEGE!
It is easy to become confused when building a relationship with God. Satan uses confusion as a tool to block us from the true understanding of the love of our Father in heaven. Satan knows that the more we do not understand it, the more we will turn to things that we DO understand-the world. Not good.

I have never before considered being undressed to be a part of growing in my relationship with God. My first instinct when pursuing holiness is to put on more; to put on more and more armor so that i won't be defeated by the world. Overtime, what we may think is armor may actually be false notions that only feed our confusion.

In C.S. Lewis' Narnian Chronicle, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, young and curious Eustace wanders into a cave filled with treasures of all kinds. One treasure in particular is a bracelet that he puts on and is instantly turned into a dragon. Filled with pain, Eustace doesn't know what to do. What he thought the bracelet would bring him has only turned out to be pain, pain, and more pain. Aslan, the God figure in the Narnian Chronicles, comes to Eustace. After Eustace's numerous attempts to fix the issue himself, Aslan tells him, "You will have to let me UNDRESS you," and it says that "He tears the dragon-skin off Eustace like it's a huge scab." This makes so much sense!
Basically:
We keep trying to talk ourselves into spiritual comfort, picking our wounds of confusion, until we are covered with scabs. God calls to us. He undresses us of all of these scabs. He cleanses us. His word commands us to be transformed by the REnewing of our minds. Flush out the old notions of how you can become a better whatever. God's word tells us all that we need to be. Always look to that, and you will never be confused about such matters again. How wonderful that just the breath of our God can wash away the sap that so often keeps us stuck in one place. Pushing through blindly way be a scary thought, but it is the true test of our faith.

"Come close to God, and God will come close to you." James 4:8

christus nos liberavit

Not really sure what the above phrase means.....it's the title of a chapter of Les Misérables from which i am about to quote.

The following quote really struck me. It applies to present times as well as the nineteenth century which this novel was based....

"What is this story of Fantine about? It is about society buying a slave.
From whom? From misery.
From hunger, from cold, from loneliness, from desertion, from privation. Melancholy barter. A soul for a piece of bread. Misery makes the offer; society accepts.
The holy law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization but it does no yet permeate it. They say that slavery has disappeared from European civilization. That is incorrect. It still exists, but now it weighs only on women and it is called prostitution.
It weighs on women, that is to say, on grace, fraility, beauty, motherhood. This is not the least among man's shames." -Victor Hugo


This past January i attended the Passion 2010 conference in Atlanta, Georgia. There were many foreign ministry opportunities for everyone to get involved with. One in particular was that of human trafficking and prostitution across the globe. Here are a few facts i learned from their representatives.

-Most "sexual markeplaces" in the middle east contain about 200,000 sex slaves. That's more than the population of Salt Lake City.
-Last year the slave trade made $32 billion. That is more than Nike, Google, and Starbucks combined.
-There are currently more slaves in the world than at any point in human history.
-A girl in Indian Brothels will undergo 12-14 abortions in two years.

Time to wake up to the presence of injustice, especially for women around the world. It is time that we accept our responsibility as to seek out the orphans and widows of the world, especially those in slavery, and give them a second chance at freedom. Check out the Passion2010 website for more information on all of the DoSomethingNow campaigns!

.....nook and cranny glory

FINALLY THE WEEK IS OVER!!!! After a week of hardcore studying, catching up on artwork, and overall spiritual stress, the past week has finally moved on. I literally feel as if an elephant has finally gotten up off of my chest and allowed me to breathe.

Next week should be MUCH more relaxing. I don't have any tests and only a few things due for art, which i will most likely finish this weekend. I plan to catch up on some major tennis playing with Scottie. It has been far too long since i picked up my racquet. I believe the last time was right before the christmas break! I really want to get some stress painting done as well. Sometimes those turn out the best :)

Due to the past chaotic week, i have, yes...you guess it, once again realized my filth as a human. I just find it so hard to comprehend the mercy of God. I find it so hard to believe that He wiped away past, present, and future sin. It is INCREDIBLE. I am covered by His blood! And that blood has washed away all iniquities that were inside of my black, well-stocked, sinful cupboard that is my heart. It is the reason i wake up everyday. It is the reason i can look at my enemies and smile knowing that Christ is in them as well. I just have to continue to remind myself of this everyday.

Today, being the beautiful day that it is, i found myself buying bedding plants for my mother and me to plant in the garden. Believe me, it needed major revamping! When i got home i just sat there looking at the new african daisies that i bought. They were called "serenity" daisies. I sat there......bewildered at the complexity of each flower. Every nook and cranny of that plant revealed God's glory! Who else could create something so complex and beautiful?! To those who preach the "big band theory"......i say look again!

Meeting new people is GREAT by the way! Thanks for chatting with me all day everyday this past week miss Bailey Jean! :) Can't wait until saturday!

New pictures of Vegas :)

.....NYC LORD WILLIN'

Ok.....If you've been following my blog since the beginning....you are probably not surprised when i say that I'M FINALLY GOING TO NEW YORK!!!!! We've been "planning" on going for so long that it almost felt as if it wasn't going to happen. Well last night we had a meeting and it was VERY productive. So far we have the flights and the shows booked. These are the following things that we have booked and planned so far:

Thursday July 1st-Arrive around 11am (because we leave at 6 AM!) Go to the empire state building that night

Friday July 2nd- Check out a museum or two during the day....Experience the magic of a New York City hot dog......and the Addams Family the Musical on Broadway with Bebe Neuworth and NATHAN LANE! it's gonna be epic

Saturday July 3rd- Another couple of museums (hopefully the Met) and then that night THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA ON BROADWAY!!!! yea imma pee maself.

Sunday July 4th-whatever during the day.....at night fireworks over the bay near the statue of liberty :) if we feel up to it and feel like spending the extra money we may go see another show...

Monday July 5th-leave that afternoon :(

So as you can see it's gonna be a pretty spectacular trip LORD WILLING. As God's children we are not to plan ahead. We are to focus on the present. The time that HE has given us NOW. But i'm not going to say that i'm not excited :P I'm having to just stop thinking about it.

Oh yea, one minor detail why i'm so excited..... KRISTIN CHENOWETH is going to be on Broadway while we're there! holy cow.......i'm campin out by the stage door with a ring. We gonna get hitched! :P

I'm really curious to see how God uses this trip as fellowship between me and my three best friends in the entire world......GARRETT, GARRETT, AND JOHN. We've needed such a revamping since school started and such and i think that this will definitely help.

God, if this trip is supposed to happen, let it be. But if not, give us the wisdom to discern what is best and the peace that surpasses all understanding so that we may be ok with it. Thank you for your Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ, for through Him all things hold together. Amen

an update past due....

ok i'm posting this because i haven't posted anything in a very long time. School has been......eh.......hectic. But i'm learning to be thankful for the troubling times that God keeps giving me. I'm so blessed in my school situation. Anyways.....the council of kings is still good; still going strong. Art classes are still going pretty well. My midterm was voted as the best in the class.....i've seen better though. My trip to NEW YORK CITY has been booked! I'll go into that in another post......Our eldest feline companion, Jasper, ran away :( i think into the woods so he could die peacefully. We had no idea how old he was.....but he is being missed...Especially by his younger brother Vegas Marie.....He keeps lookin for him outside :(

I've been making PIES a lot! I've just finally perfected my apple pie. Let it be known that these pies are made FROM SCRATH. The crusts are homemade by yours truly. They're pretty stinkin tasty if i do say so myself.....I've just discovered the panoramic picture taking software on my new cell phone. Below will be some pictures taken with it. Above will be a picture of my midterm still life :)

can't take it in......

This will be quite the random and spastic entry. Today i feel so random. Just kind of a "do whatever" type of mood. i have some studying so i'll most likely bust that out as soon as possible. I plan on reading some more of The Horse and His Boy later. Oh how sweet it is that God has blessed me with fridays off. It' truly is glorious. There's an opera i plan to see tonight. I'm uber excited. I'm at this point today, which i think shall only be a one-time thing, where i've just recovered from something weird and now God is bringing me back to the place where He is the light of my life. The only way that i might be able to express this to you is by perhaps showing you some lyrics from one of my favorite songs by Imogen Heap....

"Can't close my eyes
They're wide awake
Every hair on my body
has got a thing for this place
Oh empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
so much bigger than me."

Those lyrics create a tangible place in my head where i am with God and where He and i walk together. My filthy human body doesn't know how to react to it......HIS goodness makes my badness tremble. It's so cool to think of.

Anyway, now to make some coffee and read a bit. And yes, i will most likely remain in my sweat pants the rest of the day :) dont' judge me

light in the darkness.....

If you are paying attention to my time in between postings, you will realize how quickly God can work. That's one thing about my God that i love. As you have noticed, i've been feeling really suppressed lately. I've been in this deep pit that felt so inescapable. I felt lonely. But i preferred it. I felt pressured. I hid from it. I hated the world for being so happy when i was so NOT! Everything felt so distant and impossible. I felt so caged into my surroundings and my education. Weird, i know! I LOVE my university. And i LOVE my abilities and my knowledge. But i still felt so measured. So sized up. So DECIDED. Every night i prayed and prayed "God give me the peace that surpasses all understanding!" Having a mom who has worked with mental health most of her/my life, and her currently working in a mental hospital, i now realize what she meant when she said that depression was a sickness; one that you had to get over. My previous thoughts on the subject were that people just need to get over themselves. Well that's what i get for judging others. It hurts. A lot. And no matter what people say, no matter how many times you and other people shove more scripture down your throat, God will reveal Himself to you in His timing. I found that tonight. I'VE GOT A LIFE TO START LIVING! Sure, i still feel like i'm living in a hell hole compared to the narnian paradise that i dream of, but i've got to deal with what i've got. And that is still God's green earth, a country filled with opportunities, and a FATHER who snaps his fingers and gets my attention. As much as i think that i'm pursuing HIM, He pursues me one million times more! Now for some much needed rest, on the bed of faith that HE has prepared for me!

......still

Well....today was another day. Not really sure how this is going to play out. But it's still present nonetheless, this emotionally suppressed state. Today was better....i guess you could say. I had my art classes and my english class (which is taught by a woman who, in my opinion, is the only reason that college english professors still have a good name) and then came home to my dorm room. From there i turned on my soft listening playlist comprised of a combination of Narnia and Pride and Prejudice. I put on a pot of coffee and snuggled up to read one of my favorite Narnian Chronicles, The Horse and His Boy. I must say, it helped. Thank the good Lord on High i didn't have anything important due tomorrow. I picked up dinner to go and came back to the dorm to eat and watch bits and pieces another one of my favorites, Million Dollar Baby. I showered then read some more of narnia. And now here i sit. I can't say that today made it all better. Because i still feel empty. But it's only God's grace and mercy that i was emotionally able to act civil around my classmates. Ironically, the most cheery part of my day was chatting and laughing with a few strangers in my art classes. Maybe adaptation is what my heart has been longing for lately. Not assimilation......that would be a no no.....adaptation. Adaptation to the craziness of life, to it's unexpectedness, to it's scary gyrating paths, to it's possibilities, to it's loveliness all in one. It's overwhelming. I'm trying to get my face out of the sand so i can breathe. Meanwhile, it feels as if the tide is coming in so i'd better hurry.....

thanks friends for your prayers and concerns. God is the light, and in Him there is no darkness.
Time to spend some time in the Word. goodnight

caution: the following may be annoying...



I'm so depressed. it's been hurting awfully bad lately. i guess you couldn't really call it depressed, just suppressed. i feel the weight of the world's pressure yet i also feel the liveliness of the world's vivacity. i know.....come on, dillon, give us something tangible to work with here......but that's the problem. there are so many suppressed and agitated emotions going on inside of me presently and i'm not really sure now to deal with it. the days are long. but pretty successful. i just find nothing pleasing going on in my day it's SO odd. i think one factor of it is that i miss having all of my friends around me. i think i'm finally REALLY feeling the jist of this whole splitting apart our group of friends thing. i want to spend time with one of my good friends who is practically my little brother, i want to see a new, but familiar, face every day, and i miss my Clairee. don't get me wrong, i love college! i couldn't have chosen a better university for this point of my life. and i love living by myself. but there is a huge piece of me that longs for the life i had not too long ago. maybe this venting thing will work. i'm still hangin on to Jesus. He is literally the only rock that i have right now and will ever have. thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy.

leaning on a spider web....

" Such is the destiny of all who forget God; so perishes the hope of the godless. What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web. He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold." -Job 8:13-15

This week has been one of roller coaster-like emotions. Actually, there isn't anything really roller coaster-ish about it at all. It's plain and simple. I feel like i can't trust my best friends and it scares the junk out of me. More than one incident last week caused me to question the fidelity, or lack there of, in my friendships. Since then, i'm having a super hard time forgetting it. And that's not as it should be.

I've really yearned to be transparent lately; to be completely open to those whom i love and care for. I figured that sort of countenance would most likely bring about relationships with a tad more solidity. The situation mentioned above is something i freely open to anyone reading this. I looked for a verse that could possibly explain not only my hurt, but also how EVIDENT the explanation was in God's word. The verse above pretty much explains what i've come to realized within the past...um.....4 minutes. As cliche as it may sound, i hate how easy it is to trust the world before trusting God. I'm literally in more awe of God than the world, yet i cling to the latter out of habit.....DUM! Thank goodness the Bible reminds us of how fragile this world is and how important it is that once we take our eyes off of God, that's when we begin to lean on what we're accustomed to. So i've come to ALMOST realize that the friends i have are so dear to me, but they WILL fail me. That's not the case with God..... hallelujah!

what if......

What If song by Jadon Lavik

What if I climbed that mountain, what if I swam to that shore
What if every battle was victorious then would you love me more
Would you love me more
What if I were everyone's first choice, what if I went farther than before
What if I stood high above the rest than would you love me more
Would you love me more

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I'm in awe of why you do
Why you do, why you do, I'm in awe of you, ooh

What if I ignored the hand that fed me, what if I forgot to confess
What if I stumbled down that mountain then would you love me less
Lord would you love me less

What if I were everyones last choice what if I mixed in with the rest
What if I failed what I passed before then would you love me less
lord would you would you love me less, oh no oh no oh no

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I'm in awe of why you do
You do you do you do

What have I done to deserve your son sent to die for me
What can I give I want to live give me eyes to see
In a world that keeps changin there's one thing that I know is true
Your love is stayin there's nothing else I'll hold onto

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I'm in awe of why you do
Why you do

You say I belong to you apart from the things I do
You say I belong to you I'm in awe of why you do
I'm in awe of you I'm in awe of you

The way you love me, the way you do
The way you do , the way you love me, you love me , you love me
The way you do the way you do the way you love me,
the way you love you love you love

This song really has a special place in my life. It's a song that reminds us that we really CANNOT escape God's love. His love for us and our acceptance of that love is what keeps us focused on Him. If He were a God that didn't love us unconditionally, how could we have a relationship with him? Psalm 52:8 reads, "But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God'sunfailing love for ever and ever." If i constantly win, God loves me. If i constantly lost, God loves me. If God has such cRaZy love for us in the way he sent His ONLY son to die for us, shouldn't we have the same cRaZy love for Him?!